Is it me or has this month just zoomed by? It feels like NYE was just yesterday and now here we are, 14 days in to the new year! Not too long from now, it will be my birthday! (Its in april, just in case you were wondering!!)
I for one am very happy at the rate at which the days are going by. And why? Because I can happily say I am making progress and moving forwards with my life. 2013, I officially LOVE you.
It’s not that I didn’t like 2012, I just wasn’t as fond of it as I already am 2013.
2012 was more of a quiet year. Yes! Extremely quiet. But thats not to say it wasn’t good because in actual fact, it really was. It was an eye opener of a year for me. It was the year i really discovered some of my hidden flaws. Flaws that I had over looked instead of working on in previous years. One huge flaw was in relation to my friendships.
Now, a lot of the time, people tend to write about how THEY had been done wrong by friends. How THEY were hurt. How THEY were abandoned. But the truth for me however wasn’t how badly I had been hurt but how badly I had hurt others! Yes, I sincerly put my hands up and say now, I have not been the most reliable friend. Dont get me wrong, I’m not the back stabbing, steal your boyfriend, defraud your account type of friend!! Oh no, I
am was worse than that. I was the unreliable friend. You know, the one who says they will call you but “just never got round to it.” Or the one who alwyas cancelled on you last minute! Yep, that was me. I wanted to do better. I really did. But… I dont know why, I just got worse and worse.
Even when a friend of mine who I had known since I was 11, told me she was “ending” our friendship because I had let her down too many times, I STILL wasn’t ready to change!! For a good half of the year I thought she was at fault and I had done NOTHING wrong!! At this point in time, another friend who I have known pretty much all of my life, is NOT talking to me! When we last met, it was brilliant. We talked, we ate and had a good time. So please tell me why she no longer answers my texts or replies my facebook messages? Did we have a big fall out that resulted in the end of our long friendship? NO! Did I reveal her secrets to a room full of her worst enemies? NO! So what did I do?
I didn’t go to her last social gathering! A birthday party. Her daughter’s FIRST birthday party! It pains my belly now just thinking about it. And why? I forgot.
If the other situation with my school friend didn’t make me think then this one certainly did. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And all of a sudden, my eyes were opened to friends I had over the years let fall out of my life simply because I was so self absorbed I hadn’t realised that friendship IS two-sided. It’s not just about being able to keep a secret, (I’ve improved a lot since secondary school!) or even a text to say “I love that we are friends.” Its about being there. Its about celebrating the good times and supporting one another during the harder times. Its about open and honest communication that simply says, ” I don’t think I can make that date” as opposed to ” I’m going to have to cancel 7. o clocks dinner tonight” at 6.50pm!!
That’s not only unreliable, it’s untrustworthy. And it’s selfish.
” … What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others – ignoring God! – harvests a crop of weeds…” – Galatians 6:7-8 MSG
For so long, I thought I had many friends. Too many in fact. But when it came down to it, I had few friends. Very few. And it was MY fault. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no “Billy-no-mates”, I am just more grateful for the few friends that I still have. I will cherish and honour these relationships in the way I should have been doing to ensure history has no way of repeating itself.
But I take full responsibility for the friends that I let down in the past. I say sorry to those who waited for a call or to the ones I cancelled on. I say a big sorry to the ones I never visited. I say thank you to the ones who carried the weight of the friendship for so long only to be weighed down until they could continue no more. Thank you for holding on as long as you did. I am dearly sorry and wish you nothing but he best. But most of all I wish you greater friendships that bring you greater joy.
And to the friends I have now, both new and old, I say a big “THANK YOU!”. Thank you for trusting me enough to pursue this. I promise not to take you for granted. Thank you for overlooking some of my many flaws and sticking with me. I also wish nothing but the best for you and look forwards to our greater years ahead.
This all sounds so mushy doesnt it?!?
Peace out dudes!xxx